Dave And Killer And The Litter Problem

I often find myself wondering what my cats are up to when I’m out and about. Do they talk about meaningful things or do they just sleep all day? This (semi) regular post series attempts to shed some light on what goes down when no one is around. I expect there will be more of these as time goes on.

INT. JONATHAN’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM – AFTERNOON

KILLER sits on the couch, licking his paw. He gets some fur stuck in his mouth and struggles with it for a moment before moving on to the other paw.

DAVE (O.S.)

KILLER!!

Killer continues licking himself, ignoring Dave.

DAVE (O.S.)

HEY KILLER!

Still no response.

DAVE (O.S.)

KILLER KILLER KILLER KILLER KILLER KILLER KILLER--

DAVE continues saying “Killer” over and over and over again. Killer mews – annoyed – and gets down from his perch.

He scuttles out of the room and into...

INT. JONATHAN’S APARTMENT, OFFICE – AFTERNOON

...the office, where the litter box sits.

DAVE

--KILLER KILLER KILLER KILLER--

KILLER

GOD DAMNIT WHAT?!

Dave pops his head out of the litter box.

DAVE

Oh, you’re right there! Sweet. CHECK THIS OUT!

Dave vanishes back into the litter box. All goes quiet.

Nothing happens for at least 5 to 10 seconds.

Killer mews and moves over to the litter box. SUDDENLY a monsoon of cat litter shoots out. Killer hops back.

KILLER

Dude! What the hell?

Dave pops his head out of the litter box once more.

DAVE

Isn’t it great?! I just kick with my back legs and OUT IT GOES! It will TOTALLY piss off Jonathan!

KILLER

Whatever.

Killer scuttles away, leaving Dave to his devices. He pops back into the litter box.

Waves upon waves of cat litter shoot out.

And everyone lived happily ever after, except Jonathan.

FADE OUT: