A Thanksgiving List, Of Sorts

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope at some point you’re able to enjoy copious amounts of food and drink and are able to celebrate the season with your families. Next to Christmas, Thanksgiving has to be one of my most favorite of holidays. So, to celebrate I thought I’d give you a somewhat half-baked (get it?) top ten list about the things I’m thankful I can spend my money on.

10. Reeses Puffs – Back in the day, when I was about half my size and age, the cereal choices weren’t all that exciting. They were good, don’t get me wrong, but nothing was quite unhealthy enough to be awesome. And then one day Reeses decided to make a cereal. I’m so thankful I can go out and spend $5 on a box of Reeses balls.

9. Belt Buckles – Have you seen all the different kinds of belt buckles that exist? There’s one you can open beer bottles with. I am so thankful I can spend money on this.

8. Someone’s Grandpa’s Shirt – It brings a smile to my face and puts a skip in my step whenever I remember that I can go to the local Salvation Army or Brown Elephant and buy some western shirt that was worn by somebody’s Grandpa. They probably died in it too, which makes the $3 purchase even more awesome. I am so thankful for this.

7. $4 Coffee – I like mochas, cappucinos, and various “froofy” coffee drinks. I’m glad I can get them for roughly $4 at Starbucks or it’s step-brother, Caribou Coffee. I’m also glad I can feel cool walking to school holding a cup of said “froofiness.” Check it out folks, I’m a writer and I’m drinking COFFEE!! WOO! So yeah, I’m thankful.

6. HD TVs – I’m glad that I can go out and buy TV as big as my wall to compensate for my…lack of personality.

5. Grand Theft Auto – First of all, I’m thankful that video games exist and that there are so many choices. I’m also thankful that I can go out and get them whenever I want. But I’m most thankful for a game like GTA where it’s open ended and you can buy the services of a hooker, beat her over the head with a golf club, and then take your money back. It’s this kind of freedom to satisfy my “sexually frustrated high school” fantasies that has me ever so thankful. Here’s hoping the next one is even freer.

4. Bobby Flay Cookware – I’m thankful I can buy a bunch of cheap cookware with this guy’s mug plastered on the front of the box. I’m thankful that people can grow up to one day be the face of a pressure cooker…and Kitchen Stadium.

3. Hip Tees – There are a lot of places to buy “hip” t-shirts these days. Threadless, Snorg Tees, Jinx, Thinkgeek, every webcomic, etc. This overabundance of “witty” t-shirts makes my year! The other day I saw a shirt that had bacon coming out of a toaster. I’m so thankful I can buy that.

2. Alcohol – I’m thankful that I can have a beverage that lowers my inhibitions and my perception of the world. I also appreciate waking up the next morning in an unfamiliar place, wondering where my pants are. Isn’t booze fun? Oh yeah, it also helps with the writing process, for which I am most grateful.

1. Boobs – I could buy them for myself if I wanted, or had the money. So. Thankful.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *